Have you ever thought about the healing power of compassion?
It cannot be overestimated when it comes to long term illness and disease. Especially where, as often can be the case, inner self-judgement or outwardly directed blame compounds the illness and often results in a resistance, conscious or not, to healing and being well.Self compassion is one of the main keys to healing
Here is an article I came across recently by Tom Robinson which illustrates how that being a little easier on yourself can be very healing. (N.B Quotes in italics are mine)
Have a Chronic Illness? Live a Lot Better by Not Being So Hard on Yourself
Having coached such people for the past five years, I’ve learned that many of them often feel inadequate, guilty, and beat themselves up because they can’t do all the things for the important people in their lives that they formerly could.
Or they have a long-standing issue from the past where they blame themselves or others and it hasn’t yet been resolved. Check his following case study.
For example, not too long ago, a woman with fibromyalgia, a painful and often debilitating condition, contacted me. Amy (not her real name) wanted to know how she could do the housework and the many other tasks she felt she needed to do to be a good wife.
It’s admirable that Amy wanted to do her housekeeping and other tasks better. However, from the way she stated her question, it was clear that because she couldn’t do them as well as she could before she became ill, Amy didn’t think she was a good wife.
Every time I hear a story like hers – and I’ve heard many of them, I’m reminded again how sad it is that people with long term illnesses feel inadequate as spouses, parents, partners, or friends because they can’t do all the things they could when they were well.
Or because they have past issues about feeling judged, criticised or rejected by others or by themeslves. There is a real challenge to living with long-term illness
The challenge of living and dealing with its symptoms are hard enough. You certainly don’t need the additional burden of feeling inadequate because of your illness- imposed limitations. To help you get rid of that burden, I’m going to share with you two very effective methods for overcoming any feelings of inadequacy you may experience because of it.
The first method is this:
- Heed this slightly modified version of the well know Native American saying, “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.”
That saying tells us to take into account all of a person’s present circumstances and challenges, as well as their past experiences and traumas, before passing judgment on them. My modified version of that saying is:
- “Don’t judge yourself until you’ve walked a mile in YOUR OWN MOCCASINS.”
What I mean is to fully let in and acknowledge all the ways your life has become more difficult, compared to how it was before the onset of your particular condition.
Now I’m not saying you should hold your own pity party, or otherwise feel sorry for yourself. But I’ve observed that most people minimize the pain they live with and trivialize the difficult, illness-related challenges they face every day.
If you do that, I strongly encourage you to admit to yourself how tough it can be to live with it.
Be Compassionate With Yourself
Here’s why: If you minimize and trivialize your pain and challenges, then, when you feel exhausted or depressed, you are likely to view the exhaustion or depression as a sign of your inadequacy.
In contrast, when you admit to yourself how hard your challenges are to deal with, you will realize that anyone in your situation would probably feel as exhausted and depressed as you do, if not more so.
You are beginning to acknowledge and listen to yourself with love and respect
Once you do that, you will most likely stop being so critical and judgmental, and begin being much kinder and gentler to yourself. Also, when you fully acknowledge how hard your symptoms are to manage, you are likely to feel a justified sense of accomplishment for how well you manage them and get through each day!
So as I said above, don’t judge yourself until you’ve walked that mile in your own moccasins.
Before telling you the second method you can use to stop getting down on yourself and to stop feeling inadequate, I have a question:
Q:What would you do if you found a bird that was injured and couldn’t fly?
If you’re like me and all the others to whom I’ve posed this question, you would either unhesitatingly take care of the bird yourself or find someone who could. And if you decided to try to find someone else but weren’t able to do so, you would certainly take care of the bird rather than abandon it.
I believe the reason you would act in this way is because, as a human being, you have an innately compassionate nature – a real desire to lessen the suffering of others, whether they be animals or people. This point is very important, because when you have a serious condition, then in a way you’re like that injured bird that can no longer fly the way it once could.
This is your body. Your inner spirit on the other hand is not chronically ill. It is a resource you can tap into to sutain and nourish yourself with. This is the springwell of compassion, of love and laughter, of soft kind caring, the gentle heart that goes out to the bird, that feels uplifted by a beautiful flower. The more you tap into this healing source the more likely you are to become well
Just for 30 seconds, turn your attention to this ‘Healing Moments’ video and see what a difference it can make to this moment
The more ‘healing moments’ you experience the more you will be nurtured from the inside and the less room there will be for self criticism and blame. Your power is the power of choice, of choosing what to focus on
Here’s another question for you:
Q: Would you ever say to that bird “Get up, dammit, and fly, like all the other birds are doing”?
Yes, the question is ridiculous. Of course you wouldn’t tell the bird that. The way I see it, being critical and judgmental of yourself because of your particular related limitations, is a lot like criticizing that injured bird for not being able to fly. Wouldn’t you agree?
The Healing Power of Compassion
Given that you would give the bird the care it needed to heal as much as it possibly could, my second method for stopping getting down on yourself is to give yourself the same compassion and care that you would, without a moment’s hesitation, give to an injured bird.
By using these two methods, a high percentage of my clients have stopped beating themselves up for their limitations. They’ve started taking much better care of themselves and they’ve then gone on to make many other positive changes in their lives.
The Power of Positive Change
A good example is a client I’ll call Linda, who has Crohn’s disease. Previously, when Linda’s life became stressful she would very often experience a major flare up.
Stress compromises the body’s immune system causing it to have to fight harder to become well
The antidote to stress is relaxation. When you stop judging yourself you relax and when you relax, self judgement loses its hold
There are lots of ways to relax and most of them are enjoyable and fun!
Have a look through the checklist below for some ideas:
Managing Stress, Preventing Illness
- Actively participate in your own healing and health management
- Learn To Meditate and do it at odd moments in the day
- Talk to yourself positively and watch uplifting movies
- Eat well balanced and nutritious diets
- Learn to say NO with confidence, to things you cannot do.
- Laugh more often – it’s a medicine
- Learn to exercise regularly and get plenty of rest
Tom Robinson continues …
As we worked together, she markedly improved her ability to care for herself as she would “an injured bird,’ and worked through her remaining self-judgment by “walking a mile in her own moccasins.”
Linda’s mother recently died at the same time her best friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Linda shuttled between helping and supporting her friend, taking care of her mother’s affairs and putting on her memorial service. Doing those things involved a lot of flying, a lot of driving, a lot of work, and a lot of stress. Because of our sessions and the work Linda did between them, she was able to do all the things those two events called for without having a flare. Bravo, Linda!
I wish you the best as you start using these methods in your own life.
Author: Thomas W. Robinson
Chronic Illness Coach Tom Robinson works with those who are overstressed or overwhelmed by their condition and life challenges. Tom helps them meet those challenges, and then he helps them find–and keep–true happiness and joy.
His free report: How to Have a Better Life Than You Ever Thought Possible – Even When Nothing Else You’ve Tried Has Worked, is available at his website: ChronicIllnessCoach.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Thomas_W._Robinson
Here are some further articles I have collected about compassion that may be worth investigating …
The next step, when one has stomped and subdued and ‘cast away’ one’s ‘enemies’ and ‘old programming’ and ‘inner demons,’ seems to be the further cultivation of Compassion as a Sadhana or spiritual practice
In Tibetan Buddhism, a Bodhisattva is anyone who is motivated by compassion and seeks enlightenment not only for him/herself but also for everyone
Changing Our Habit of Judgment to the Practice of Compassion
How does judging our bodies mask our need for compassion?
Cultivating Compassion: Meditation
There are at least two components to one’s spiritual practice, Wisdom and Compassion, and associating with people, especially in difficult situations, helps us grow Compassion.
